I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have demons in me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
