Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
