I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
