I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
