Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
