lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
