tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
