Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
