Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They have beer where we have blood.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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