just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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