i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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