Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
