I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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