I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
