The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
