Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
