So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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