Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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