Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
