we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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