Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
