my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
