My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
