so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
