2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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