this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
