I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
