Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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