If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
