i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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