I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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