I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
