i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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