who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
