its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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