i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
