I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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