so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
