saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
