You can't motorboat a personality
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
