How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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