He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
