You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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