That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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