I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
