We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
