I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she told me i tasted like america
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
