I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
