Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
