I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
