There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
