I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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