Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You took a bar mat shot.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
