he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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