I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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