"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
